Swedish Death Cleaning and Plein Air

 

I recently heard a talk on Swedish death cleaning by a woman who wrote a book on this idea.  Apparently it is an old tradition in Sweden where, as the decades of one's life march along, we prepare progressively more and more for our eventual passing.  This primarily involves lightening our load and cleaning up our act.  It also makes everything a lot easier for those we leave behind.  This sounds like a good and sensible thing to me.

For all of us baby boomers and for all who come after, as we enter our fifth and sixth decades or are even pushing our ninth, it only makes sense to let go of some of the things we enjoyed in our twenties, thirties and forties.  I no longer wish to drive a convertible and I don't keep a horse anymore.  The convertible I drove in high school was an old beat-up jalopy that got me into my twenties and my former wild mustang lived with me, on the skinny, for nearly four decades.  We sure did have some fun.  But, when she put her old tired bones to rest, letting go of that time and lifestyle was appropriate for me too.

The seasons of our lives do change and paring down can be a blessing.  Several of my friends have really embraced this and have significantly downsized: giving away two thirds of their wardrobe, emptying filing cabinets and bookshelves, re-distributing or tossing old photographs and art works, and leading lighter lives.  One friend of mine re-homed her two little dogs.  She loved them enough to realize that they needed more care and she needed more time to rest and heal.  It's all good and we can let go.

This brings me to plein air.  Because, as we come to realize that statistically we may only have five, ten, fifteen, or, if we are lucky, twenty years, of quality living still to go, (which of course can happen to any of us, at any age,) it only makes sense to spend this precious gift of life doing as much of what we love to do as we can. 

I have one older friend who is devoting her life to caring for wild birds.  She is increasing our local bird species populations and supporting others on their migration routes.  When walking past her home, the birdsong is more than noticeable, it's incredible and loud, a veritable symphonic cacophony.  Given how precipitously our bird species numbers have fallen in the last five or six decades, this use of her time and energy is remarkable.  She also loves to paint.  And so do I.  But I love colored pencils, for their simplicity, even more.

Together, she and I enjoy sharing plein air sessions.  En plein air is french for "in the open air," and refers to painting out of doors instead of in an art studio.  During our day to day travels about town, we each keep our eyes open for beautiful views.  And then, as often as we can, carving out a little time, we set a date, deciding on morning or afternoon light and we go!  And then we sit.  We bring our jars of water and pads of paper, pencils, brushes, blankets and colors.  And then, for hours at a time, with little sandwiches packed and a few pieces of fruit, we chatter away about this and that, matching the colors, as busy as those birds, doing what we'd really love to do.  May you be so blessed as to be able to do so, too.

 

 

 

 

The Return of the Light

 

As the Winter Solstice slides away behind us and our Earth begins another annual circuit, twirling daily on her axis as she travels around the sun, it seems only well and good to take a few moments contemplating what we are leaving behind and what we are entering into with this new Return of the Light.  As of today, the days will be getting a little longer and the nights will each become progressively shorter until we reach our new year's Summer Solstice, six months from now.  

I would like to suggest that we take a little time to first honor some of the darker experiences we've each felt, both personally and collectively, from this past year.  Winter is a time when some of us hibernate.  We can all set aside a little time to go within. 

Perhaps you'd like to write something down that you are willing to let go of and then release it.  Maybe the recycling bin would be the perfect vessel to receive it, or it could be buried in the garden, or using good fire safety, it could be carefully burned over the kitchen sink.  It's good to consciously let go of whatever we no longer wish to have in our lives.  This year, I'm burning any and all limitations to our arising human consciousness, that which understands and fully honors the absolute sacredness of all life on earth.  

Then, while still in personal private ceremony, we can begin this new journey, into the increasing light of the coming year, by honoring and calling to us all that we would love to see and do and think and feel.  I like to use my five senses when I am imagining what I'd like to manifest in my life.  

We can ask ourselves, "What would my body love to do?  How would that feel?  What does it smell like, taste like, sound like?"  If it is walking on the beach more often, can I imagine seeing the crashing of the waves on the shore, can I hear the seabirds call and smell the good salt sea spray?  And then, when I get to the beach, I try to consciously remember all of that and take it all in.

We can seek new experiences and awarenesses on every level of our being, be they spiritual, mental, emotional or physical.  And we can ask for help.  I used to call on the spirit of Domingo, an old Portuguese friend of mine, who could build anything out of nothing.  Whenever I've needed some help with a project, I've called him to me and there I suddenly see just exactly what is needed to finish my work.

So, think of a change that you would like to see happening in your life.  While these days are still quite short, realize that we see differently in the dark.  Ask for help from spirit if you feel like you could use it.  Let yourself have a little quiet time to visualize what you'd like to see in the coming New Year.   

Go ahead and ask, "What is a new pattern that I would like to see in my life?  or in the world?"  "What changes can I easily make to improve my stability or balance or my level of health?  or the health of those around me?  or the health of our planet?"  "What would I love to see in my life?"  "What would help me to bloom?"

It is important for us to wake up to what we love and what we long for.  This can help us to look within to see where our joy and purpose lie.  It is good to take the time to listen for whatever miracles may be available to open up for you.  We don't often need to know more than the next two or three steps ahead.  But if we pay those heed and meet their needs, often the rest of the path will open up before us.

As Rumi said,

Listen, make a way for yourself, inside yourself.

 

(painting by my friend Aya, The Stairs to Dinky Creek) 

 

 

To Thine Own Self Be True

'To thine own self be true.'  Such a simple adage.  Not always easy to follow.

So often in life we find ourselves staying with what is familiar, long after it has grown cold.  Our habit mind dutifully helps us to hold fast while our awake self yearns to let go.  This can even happen with good things. 

I can remember a ceramics class that I was helping to teach.  It was a delight, but it kept on going long after the time when it was supposed to stop.  I felt conflicted and over burdened.  Though I enjoyed it, I was not truly staying in my joy.  I was beholden more to social duty than to my own true self.  These lessons can come hard.  And it's good to say "no," when it's time to let go.

In this particular scenario, Divine Arrangement intervened in the form of an automobile accident that put me where I needed to be, at home, tending within.  As rough as it began, it was there that I found my true joy again.  Nowadays, I like to think that I make these types of choices more frequently and on my own, when it is time to listen within, take stock and re-access.  It just seems so much more wise for me to do this before Divine Intervention sweeps in.

I am reminded of my mother's laundry soap, made from her fireplace wood ash and kitchen bacon grease, bubbling slowly on the stove.  With the flame of transformation beneath it, the two substances would begin to unite.  Over time, large bubbles would slowly rise up, thick and sticky.  Then with a sigh of release, they would pop and sink back down into the congealing, coalescing  mass.

Our creativity must rise, express itself and then return back down to the source in order to gather and rise again.  And just like the fat and ash, we become forever changed into something even more useful and new. 

It's okay for us to let go. When a part of our lives gets too high and tight and thin, be it an addiction, a commitment or an unresolved dream, it may be time for us to go back down.  Sometimes we just need to re-group in order to let ourselves take a little break, mix it up a bit and draw from what we know or have been before, in order to rise up and generate our own transformation once more.     



        Enjoy the lovely sunset photo by my friend Anno. 

© Josephine Laing, 2015

Letting Go of the Ground We Stand On

Allyson said that mom introduced her to Janie tonight.  Mom has been in Hospice since May and has, as they used to say on the farm, "taken to her bed," since July.  There is no one that we can see in her room, but she is talking and visiting away in there, all night long, most nights.

There have been days, many of them, where it seems that she is passing right on throught those pearly gates.  But then the next day, just like the "Energizer Bunny," she pops back up with a healthy appetite and has two eggs with a couple of pieces of bacon, some toast and a quarter of a cantelope.  Later that evening, it's breaded shrimp with coctail sauce. 

She always was a good cook and has a fine appreciation for American cuisine, including ice cream, which is how she gets her meds down to ease her pain and make life a little easier for her Hospice caregivers, the ones who do their share of the heavy lifting.  Such a blessing.  One among many. with Allyson leading the stellum, lighting the way for us all.

It's not easy to die sometimes.  Just like there are difficult births, that stand out in contrast to the easy ones, there are also difficult deaths.  How does one let go of this dear old friend, the body?  I don't know.  I wish I did.  Because, if so, I might be able to help mom to say bye for now.  But I do feel that there is an elegance, and certainly an astrological significance, to the timing of our deaths, just like there is a significance to the timing of our births.  So, I give it all over to Divine Arrangement, knowing that there it rests in the best possible hands.

In the meanwhile, we the living do what must be done.  We select caskets, arrange for headstones, yesterday we bought the mortuary plot, today we crafted the obituary for the home town paper.   We also ate watermelon.  A little sweet with the sad.

I'll leave you with this poem, by Ranier Maria Rilke.  It is one of my favorites and pretty much sums it up for me.  I hope that it speaks to you as dearly as it speaks to me.

The Swan

This clumsy living that moves,
lumbering, as if in ropes,
through what is not done,
reminds us of the awkward way the swan walks.
And to die,
which is a letting go of the ground we stand on and cling to everyday,
is like the swan
when he nervously lets himself down into the water
which receives him gayly,
and which flows under and after him
wave after wave.
While the swan,
unmoving and marvelously calm
is pleased to be carried,
each moment more fully grown,
more like a king,
farther and farther on.

© Josephine Laing, 2015

Forgiveness and Understanding

Sometimes it's not so easy to forgive.  We find that we are stuck and can't move ahead in our lives.  When this happens, it is most likely because somewhere in our psyche we are holding onto emotional injury.  But the best way to free ourselves, when we are stuck like that, is through forgiveness.  So, this presents a challenge, because forgiveness is the key that opens the pathway to love in our lives.  

It is important to remember that forgiveness is not condoning the wrong doing of another person.  Forgiveness is simply letting it go.   Our emotions can be like broken records sometimes, playing an event over and over again.  And this takes our energy.  The negative emotions or feelings that we may have toward another person have little to no impact on the wrong doer, but they have a big impact on ourselves.  So it is a good idea for us to figure out how to clear those angry or resentful thoughts and let them go. 

Given our own situations, our past difficulties, challenging upbringings and what have you, sometimes it can seem impossible to forgive.  But a very wise friend of mine once shared with me that in those tougher times, she could become "willing to forgive" or "willing to let go."  This is a good step in the right direction.  Another strategy is to, "Fake it until you make it "    

Years ago, I came across this forgiveness affirmation that Louise Hay teaches.  It goes like this:
 "I forgive you for not being the way that I wanted you to be.  I forgive you and I set you free and thereby free myself."  I love this one because it includes some self-responsibility for our own assumptions and expectations that we so often hold about other people.

I also like to use this set of three forgiveness affirmations.  I don't remember where I got them.  But they have certainly served me well.  These let us see forgiveness from three unique perspectives.  And again, they remind us of our own self-responsibility.  They also help us to remember that pain is most often a two way street.  Here they are:
I forgive you for any pain that you may have caused me.
I ask that you forgive me for any pain that I may have caused you.
I forgive myself for allowing you to cause me any pain.

A practice of forgiveness helps us to move beyond our holding patterns.  As Gabriel Roth, the modern dancer said, "If we are not holding on, we don't have to let go."  But, if we are holding on, spirit is not free to move…and our healing becomes stuck.   My spiritual mentor, Jana Massey used to refer to forgiveness as "The Law of Erasure."  She would say that it erases the hurt so the truth can be made known.

Another mentor of mine is Peace Pilgrim.  Her book is titled: Peace Pilgrim, Her Life and Work in Her Own Words.  Peace Pilgrim would often say that our problems in life are here to help us grow spiritually and that a life without problems would be a barren life.  I've come to see the truth of this  because our problems are our teachers.  They help us to learn and grow.  

When speaking about forgiveness, Peace Pilgrim once said, “One thing that helped me a great deal was the realization that no outward thing, nothing, nobody from without, can hurt me inside.  I realized that I could only be harmed spiritually by my own wrong actions, which I have control over, or my own wrong reactions.  They are very tricky things, but I have control over them also.  When I realized this, I just felt so free.  And I stopped hurting myself.  Now, someone could do the meanest thing to me and I would recognize that person as a sick person, as an out-of-harmony person.  I would put him in the same category as a mentally sick person.  I would feel great compassion for this sick person who is capable of doing mean things.  I would pray for that person.  I would certainly not hurt myself with a wrong reaction of bitterness or anger.  You have complete control over whether you will be hurt inside spiritually or not.  And anytime, you can stop hurting yourself.”    

I find the insight in this statement to be so very profound.  Here, Peace Pilgrim is teaching us that with deeper introspection we can reach for understanding.  This can help us to move, even beyond the need for forgiveness, because we come to see that those who have done us wrong are coming from their own set of circumstances, which might even be deep psychological imbalance.   If we look at a situation like that, from Peace Pilgrim's perspective we can see that someone who is that unsettled, actually needs our compassion.   Sometimes this can be very hard to swallow but, digging deeper for understanding is the key that helps us to keep our own souls from becoming entangled. 

Our job when we feel that we have been wronged is to rise up out of the mire and not stay there, or to not even fall into it in the first place if we can.  We can take a different street and avoid the whole mess.   We can realize that no matter what someone else may have done, they can not harm us inside.

© Josephine Laing, 2015