Before the age of seven, our minds are in a hypnosis-like Theta brain wave state. We are not yet able to reason and have not yet learned how to think for ourselves as individuals. This is a very necessary step in our development because it lets us learn everything that we need to know by habit. Our early childhood years, spent in Theta brain waves, set the patterns of our culture, our body movements, and our roles in the family. This is also when our beliefs about our self are formed.
At around the age of seven, our conscious minds come on board and we individuate with awareness about our personal identity. This lets us discover our own wishes and desires. This is also when our habit mind, our subconscious mind really starts to come in handy as it can run the show while we are busy solving problems with our conscious mind, our thinking mind. Because of this, we are able to walk down the hall (movement gained from habit and memory) while answering a question (fully engaging our thinking mind).
Unfortunately, while we are very young, the adults in our lives may not realize that we are unable to use rational thought. When adults receive criticism, they can think about it, consider changing their behavior and the experience can be constructive. But as small children, when we receive criticism it gets recorded into our belief systems about who we are. It becomes our truth.
When an adult says something to a small child like, "Why would you do such a thing? or, "That's bad." or, "No, no, don't touch that!" or, Get away." The child's mind hears and records feelings like, "I'm unlovable." Or, "I'm not good enough." And, since we hear this type of information about ourselves as children, again, and again, it becomes a belief that we hold, out of habit, at the core of our beings.
These programs stays with us into adulthood and just as soon as we are not paying attention, they can result in our beloved subconscious mind dutifully and skillfully changing things, in order to prove that our early childhood programming is right.
This can result in all of our good conscious mind intentions being thwarted.
We like to think that if we can simply become aware of our programming, we can change it. So, we read self-help books, understand them and really commit ourselves consciously to change. And, yes, those changes will happen, so long as we are actively thinking about them, using our conscious minds. Unfortunately, this occurs only about 15% of the time.
As soon as we get distracted and start to put our conscious attention elsewhere, guess who comes on board to run the show, our dutiful habit mind. This leaves a whopping 85% or more of the time where our old programs are still running. This is why we find ourselves so often inadvertently self-sabotaging all of our good intentions.
The good news is this, there are several tools that we can use to change these deeply programmed negative beliefs into positive ones. In order to clear an old program it can really help to use some of the same tricks that created it, ex: a theta mind or hypnosis brain state, strong emotions and repetition. These are the techniques that we can use to clear old beliefs about not being good enough, smart enough, worthy or worse still, not lovable.
A great way to get started is to begin, a practice of meditation. This helps us to notice our negative thoughts and beliefs in the first place. Then, using repetition, having some new and better replacement thoughts at the ready, can work wonders. Twenty one days of a consistently new behavior or thought locks it in. Powerful emotion is also good. It was our strong feelings that created our old beliefs about ourselves. New and different strong feelings will create new ones. So, affirmations said with genuine, sincere, positive, loving feelings consistently over a period of time are really helpful.
My favorite though, is using that theta mind state because it is especially effective. Having a pre-recorded audio tape of your own voice affirming your love-ability and your self worthiness, perhaps even saying your new positive affirmations, can really work wonders. Let this play while you are falling asleep or waking up. It will help to create new programs deep in your subconscious mind because, while we are in that Theta brain wave state, we can access our core belief systems and change them just like in hypnosis.
Please also enjoy these additional ten great tips for cultivating self-love:
1.) Say, “I Love You.” Every morning, when you go to the bathroom mirror, look deeply into your own eyes. Say your name out loud and then say, “I love you, I really love you, just the way you are.”
2.) Forgive Yourself. A lack of forgiveness is a block to self love. Just as we need to forgive others, we need to forgive ourselves.
3.) Practice Positive Self Talk. Notice when you are blaming or shaming yourself. Lovingly catch yourself and then acknowledge what is good about yourself instead.
4.) Treat Yourself Gently. Know that you are your own precious darling child. Realize that all growth takes time. Loving yourself is your divine birthright. Trust and it will come to pass.
5.) Think Good Thoughts. Thoughts are easy to change. Find good ones and have them ready to replace any negative ones. I like to focus on gratitude. It fuels me on my way.
6.) Give and Get Help. Don't hesitate to ask for help and look for ways to help others. We all love to help each other. We feel honored when someone asks us so it's okay to ask for ourselves.
7.) Treat Yourself To Robust Health. Eat mostly organic foods from the garden. Get plenty of sleep. Drink lots of good clean water. Create a healing checklist and give yourself a gold star.
8.) Have Fun. Laugh and take time to make new friends. Learn some good jokes. Let yourself be more playful. Do something fun that makes you smile every day.
9.) Do What You Love. At least once a day, do what you love. Listen to your inspirations, even if they are small, heed them all. Give them top priority in your life. It will make your day.
10.) Remember Love. Remember that the core essence of our beings is love. Love is what we came from and love is what we return to when we make our transition back into spirit. Remember to look for and see the love in yourself and in others throughout the day.
© Josephine Laing, 2015
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