Monday, November 17, 2014
Grief, Resonance, Love, Spirit and Dolphins
After experiencing eighteen deaths in twenty four months back in the early part of the new millennium, Frank and I felt as if we had gone through the advanced course on death, loss and grieving. Our friend, Rupert Sheldrake has postulated that there is a resonance between individuals of a species that lets them know what has come before and what might lie ahead. As Frank considered this idea in terms of these many deaths that we'd experienced, he came up with a theory of his own.
Frank noticed that often with the loss of a loved one, he would feel off-balance, even clumsier. He also felt a void, not just psychologically, but also physically. This made him realize that the energy field of the person who had died was gone. Their body was no longer there to resonate with. Similar to a bat or a dolphin who uses echolocation, the energetic signal that Frank would be sending their way was no longer bouncing back to him. He felt that he literally needed to reformat his own field in order to steady himself once more.
So, how do we reformat our field? Well, we can start with all of the many ways that we process our grief: replaying the scene in our mind, reliving it with our friends, loosing ourselves in our work, allowing the passing of time, getting lots of physical exercise, realistically looking at the relationship we had with the one who has gone, seeing the attributes of those who have died in those who are still alive, doing art, letting ourselves cry as much and as long as we need to.
There are also other ways that we can heal ourselves energetically. Sometimes, if we are lucky and open to the idea, our loved ones can reach across the veil between the living and the dying to touch our lives in meaningful ways. This can often allow our healing to come to us almost instantaneously.
My friend Lillian lost her son. He was the happy one who always made her laugh and she was just so sad that he was gone. She couldn't stop grieving and crying. Then, one night while she was in bed, she awoke to the presence of a light in the room. As she looked, she realized that it was her son and he was looking so very sad. She asked him, "Why are you sad, you're in heaven?" And with that he faded away.
In that instant, Lillian realized that the reason he was so sad was because she was so sad and she knew that he wanted her to be happy. Our loved ones don't want us to mourn our lives away. They want us to enjoy and love our lives. In that moment, Lillian knew she had to heal her heart and get on with her life and find her way back to balance and love again. And with that determination, she did.
When our dear friend Franci died, we all went out on a boat onto the bay to scatter her ashes in the waves. As her son poured the ash we tossed flowers from the garden into the water. Some of the ash floated on the surface, some went straight down tinkling in the sunlight that pierced to the depths and some took flight in the air. As a gust of ash blew up I was about to take a breath and there was Franci, ready to enter my lungs. So I inhaled. Right then, Franci's totem animal, the dolphin, appeared. Not one, but three of them, arching up out of the water into the ash and flowers, circling round several times filling all of our hearts with wonder and a fond farewell. We knew in that moment that Franci was in good company and we all celebrated her life and her love.
Our hearts do get broken, but sometimes spirit steps in to help and lets us become more able to navigate those turbulent waters and find our way quickly back onto the road to joy.
© Josephine Laing, 2014